Adolf Hitler

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Hitler possibly about to give a high five to Prescott Bush

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Adolf Hitler (20 April 1889 – 30 April 1945) was a Austria-born German citizen who served as a German soldier in World War I, and later joined a conservative-like political movement in Germany, known as the Nazi party (which however claimed to be a socialist movement to exterminate all threats to German society). Adolf became the leader of that party, made crazy speeches, blaming the Jewish people of the crisis Germany was in at the time, and later had Germany in his full control and re-named it Nazi Germany. Adolf Hitler started World War II by ordering the invadion of Poland.

Pre-emptive strikeEdit


Wedding rings of shoah victims murdered in a death camp

Hitler used the preemptive strike doctrine to invade Poland, Denmark, Norway, Belgium, Greece, Russia, and France. He was an extreme social conservative, as well as a textbook terrorist, thus proving that not all terrorists are Muslims. He killed twelve million people, including six million Jews and six million who were either homosexuals, gypsies or Communists during the Holocaust. Benito Mussolini helped Hitler during World War II.

Today, there are a number of neoconservatives - some more extreme than others - who share Hitler's value, they're called Neo-Nazis. The modern Republican party in the United States is has many of these people in there amongst their members though most are too Right Wing for the GOP.

Hitler's most famous pre-emptive strike was that of the invasion of the Soviet Union (operation Barbarossa) in 1941.  Within weeks the German's had taken vast tracts of land and were even near Moscow.  The most decisive battle on the Eastern front was the Battle of Stalingrad.  Hitler was running out of gas (petrol in UK English) and needed to get a hold on the rich oil fields of Baku and other minerals in the Caucasus mountains. It was also right on the river Volga, making it even more of a prize to capture.  The notorious German 6th Army was left to accomplish this.  When they arrived in the city they met heavy resistance but pushed the Russians back behind a ridge near the river Volga, where they were getting supplies ferried to them each day.

The argument usually maintains that although Hitler and Stalin had a pact of non-aggression, Stalin intended to invade Germany (through Poland), or at least Hitler believed this to be true. Quite possibly it is true, the Soviets (pre-emptively) invaded Finland one month after Germany invaded Poland, which indicates an intent of some kind of fuckery. Of course Germany invading Poland wasn't the first act of aggression on Hitler's part, he previously pre-emptively struck Lithuania and Czechoslovakia as well as annexing Austria by simply shaking his fists, cancelling all referendums and then announcing election results that said 99.7% of the population were in favor of giving up their sovereignty to the Germans.

That doesn't explain his pre-emptive strikes against Denmark, Belgium, The Netherlands, France and attempts to invade Great Britain all in the other direction of the Soviet Union. Big Hitler fan, anti-Semite pretending to be an anti-Zionist and right wing douche-bag, Pat Buchanan often defends poor misunderstood Hitler against the scurrilous charges that he wanted war, but when forced into a corner about his revisionist views, he throws the liberal media a bone and says something like "Hitler was a monster", but that's about as sincere as when Henry Ford, (another big Hitler fan and long time financier) apologized to the Jews for publishing The Protocols of the Elders of Zion and The International Jew: The World's Foremost Problem. Ford said it was all a big misunderstanding and that he wasn't a bigot...

Hitler the ArtistEdit

Hitler art study 1

Hitler always considered himself a great artist. It should not come as a surprise that he hated modernism or any avante-garde movements, instead he focused on philistine cliche subjects and styles and while some of it, especially landscape watercolors, is very nice, most is the sort of stuff you would expect to see in a high school art class. I have a hard time believing that Hitler was an artist of any talent. Not because of any personal biases I have, but because I have seen some artwork that is attributed to him that is simply awful and other's that he is said to have done that shows great sensitivity. I can't believe he made both awful, amateur stuff and semi decent work at the same time.


Here in the landscape on the left there is similarity to Thomas Kinkade, art critics at the time reviewed his work as "unsatisfactory". I have a feeling a lot of the decent stuff was produced later at his instructions. The landscapes also bear a striking resemblance to philistine Christian artist and QVC success, Thomas Kinkade's work.   Hitler often copied existing sketches, due to an inability to draw directly from what he saw.

Tintint hitler swastika

Inspiration for Tin Tin? Two watercolors I have found bear striking resemblance to Belgian artist and Nazi sympathizer and collaborator, Herge's Tin Tin character. One is a self portrait of Hitler as a young man where he looks almost identical to Tin Tin, the other is a very Herge like German postman. Herge, who grew up in Brussels during World War I, would often doodle German soldiers who occupied the city.

Sexual interestsEdit

Main article: Speculation about Hitler's sexual interests

Hitler may have been highly deviant, we don't know.

Religious interestsEdit

Hitler's religious affiliations or lack thereof have been murky to historians for quite some time. Working out whether he really believed nice things he said and wrote about Christianity or whether he just used Christianity to manipulate his subjects is hard or impossible. What can be said is that he was neither a definitely orthodox (or fundamentalist) Christian, nor was he a definite Atheist. [1]

Hitler was a member of the Roman Catholic Church throughout his life and was never excommunicated. Despite this, the views of this low-life thug did not exactly align well with the orthodox Christian understanding of Jesus as the Son of God whose greatness was realized in his suffering and death by crucifixion (and subsequent resurrection), which his usage of Jesus to defend his Antisemitism in the Mein Kampf indicates:

We were convinced that the people need and require this faith. We have therefore undertaken the fight against the atheistic movement, and that not merely with a few theoretical declarations: we have stamped it out. My feeling as a Christian points me to my Lord and Savior as a fighter. It points me to the man who once in loneliness, surrounded only by a few followers, recognized these Jews for what they were and summoned men to fight against them and who, God's truth! was greatest not as a sufferer but as a fighter. In boundless love as a Christian and as a man I read through the passage which tells us how the Lord at last rose in His might and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple the brood of vipers and adders. How terrific was his fight against the Jewish poison. Today, after two thousand years, with deepest emotion I recognize more profoundly than ever before the fact that it was for this that He had to shed his blood upon the Cross. As a Christian, I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice." (emphasis added.) [2][3]

Aside from the historical incoherence of the idea of Jesus being of the "Aryan" race assumed in this quote and of his actions in denouncing the Temple having their source in the type of Anti-Semitism he wished for the Nazis to follow, Hitler evinces an understanding of the one he regarded as "Lord" utterly at odds with the orthodox Christian doctrine of Jesus being regarded as "Lord" because of his suffering and resurrection beyond it. He mocked "Rabbi" Saul as the perverter of the Lord's original Aryan doctrine into a theological mix with Judaism, thus reversing all sound thinking on the relative openness of each to non-Jews to make Christianity fit his racist preconceptions.

Furthermore, he seems to have believed that the Aryan race was created directly by God, whilst all other races had their source in the process of evolution, which had become diluted through racial mixing through the coniving of the Jews for their own advantage, and who have had to struggle to survive in the world ever since. He also did not seem to believe in the afterlife, but instead that the originally Aryan strain of humanity would exist for eternity if they were able to keep their racial purity and not have contact with the effects of evolution, as is indicated by his notion that he would in a sense live forever as the leader of the Aryan racialist force of history without a personal afterlife. On one's religious duty as his heterodox, un-traditional idea of a Christian to prevent this dreaded dilution, he had this to say:

The folkish-minded man, in particular, has the sacred duty, each in his own denomination, of making people stop just talking superficially of God's will, and actually fulfill God's will, and not let God's word be desecrated. For God's will gave men their form, their essence and their abilities. Anyone who destroys His work is declaring war on the Lord's creation, the divine will."[4]

Finally, he regarded Christianity as essential to the moral uplifting of the German nation, provided of course that it eventually fall in line with his thuggish untraditional interpretation of it. On these grounds, he made abortion an illegal crime punishable by death, with the exception of government-mandated abortions for those women whose babies would be handicapped in some way (including, of course, the "handicap" of having been racially-mixed which seemed to always be on his mind). For the same reason, he persecuted/executed homosexuals, atheists, Marxists of any stripe, and of course those races he saw as unfit, resulting in the ultimate extermination of Jews in his sinister concentration camps. However, his own words in the Mein Kampf indicate that he did not think his antisemitism was religiously motivated, saying that before he became aware of "sound" racialist science: "In the Jew I still only saw a man who was of a different religion, and therefore, on ground of human tolerance, I was against the idea that he should be attacked because he had a different faith." It would seem that he reinterpreted orthodox Christianity in an ad hoc manner to make it fit what he saw as the truths of ideological racist "science", rather than his trying to make science fit a theoretical originally racist Christianity. In any case, Hitler used his crazy,mixed-up thuggish version of Christianity to try and justify Anti-semitism, and often managed to persuade traditional Christians in the process because of their long-held religiously-based Anti-Judaism (a perceived common enemy) and similar opposition to "athiestic Marxism". [5] [6]

Reductio ad HitlerumEdit

Reducing any argument to a comparison to Hitler (or Nazis) is an obvious logical fallacy, which Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and the Tea Party supporters ("Teabaggers") never seem to get tired of using.

The irony of comparing Adolf Hitler, an extreme right wing politician who criminalized homosexuality, wasn't afraid to use the death penalty (to say the least), believed in "pre-emptive strikes", idealized traditional family values and made laws telling people whom they could marry, to Barack Obama, a moderate liberal politician based on the fact that the Nazi's had national "healthcare" (if you were white, blond, blue eyed and had no Jewish ancestors)...I think I just proved Godwin's Law...

In full disclosure, the left has also characterized extreme right wing politician GW Bush as (extreme right wing) Hitler, as well... However, despite constant conservative historical revisionism, the left did it much, much less and no mainstream liberal media figure did it at all whereas Glenn Beck does it damn near every night. Claims that liberals made just as many Bush=Hitler comparisons are just plain not true.

Conservatives are apparently idiotic enough to say that Hitler was Person of the Year in Time magazine during 1938 when Obama was also Person of the Year. This proves conservatives do not know the difference between 1938 and 2012.

A Hero?Edit

Hitler is particularly famous for his heroism; that is to say, he shot himself while simultaneously biting into a cyanide capsule as a means of attaining "martyrdom", even though he proclaimed unto the German people that "Should I fail my holy mission, you must 'crucify me'!" soon after becoming Führer. What good does a heroing through drugs do if you blow your own brains out before you can even poison yourself? Seriously. Think about it.

Oh, and in his will, he blamed the Jews (go figure) for starting the war, and his own top generals for losing it. Again, go figure.


Whether you liked him or not, you have to admit: any form of media portraying or making direct reference to Hitler is almost always funny, satirically speaking. The play and later film "The Producers" is an especially fine example. Video snippets of the hilarious hand gestures and cracked-up facial expressions that accompanied his many speeches have given birth to a variety of parodies over the internet, including a clip of Hitler taking a bite out of a watermelon, because Nazis just can't get enough watermelons. Hitler was the undisputed biggest asshole of the 20th Century century, inspiring idiots at [teabagger]] rallies to draw his mOustache onto pictures with a sharpie.


  • Hitler was voted Time Magazines man of the year in 1938.
  • Adolph Hitler kept a framed photograph of Henry Ford on his desk.
  • Hitler had used Fords anti-Semitic views in 'Mein Kampf' (Ford claimed WWI was the ejecta of subterranean Jewish saboteurs).
  • Hitler was heavy into meth. He would shoot it, (or get his doctor to) four times a day!
  • The NY phone book had 22 Hitlers before WWII. The NY phone book had 0 Hitlers after WWII.
  • Dr. Josef Mengele escaped to Paraguay after the war and perfected the science of cloning. He made several clones of Adolf Hitler, one living in Buck's County, Pennsylvania. Unfortunately for Mengele, young Hitler fed him to his dogs when Laurence Olivier told him Menegele killed his adoptive father. (SPOILER ALERT: okay, that was the plot of the 1978 film, The Boys From Brazil...which sounds a lot like gay porn and anyway, shouldn't that be called The Boys From Paraguay?)


  1. A Staff Report from the Straight Dope Science Advisory Board, Was Hitler a Christian?
  2. Was the Nazi Party Based on an Atheist, Anti-Christian Ideology?
  3. Hitler Was a Christian The Holocaust was caused by Christian fundamentalism:
  4. The Religious Views of Adolf Hitler
  5. The Religion of Hitler (1998) John Patrick Michael Murphy
  6. Hitler's religious beliefs and fanaticism

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