Andrew Schlafly

From Liberapedia

Freaking Brilliant

An editor has placed this template on this page because he/she thinks that it's freaking brilliant and should be featured

Sometimes the sillier Conservatives can't even tell when we're joking. Here we're parodying Conservapedia and we know we're exaggerating.

Hello! I'm Andy! Would you like me to educate your children?

Phyllis Schlafly, the mustachioed menace herself.

A private U.S. citizen and conservative activist, Andrew Schlafly (the spawn of conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly, brother of conservative activists Bruce, Roger, and Liza Schlafly ... see a pattern?) possesses little academic credibility[1] or knowledge, save how to slip past his opponents arguments like thin air. He is severely homophobic and is suspected of being a closet homosexual but has problems admitting his sexuality, unlike his brother! Homosexual activists object to this as insulting to millions of self-respecting homosexuals, like his brother.

Andrew Schlafly is also the editor and horrible dictator in charge of Conservapedia. He rules Conservapedia and blocks all unfortunate little editors who can't agree with him all the time (or in other words, when the little editors are correct) and are too high principled to pretend they agree. To understand him better try reading Control Freak and Ferrous Cranus.

Also, he has a hilariously stupid-sounding voice, as shown in the above video link. Not unlike a "diarrhea-gargling muppet" with a foot over its throat, as some have said.

Early Life

Andrew as a teenager

Phyllis Schlafly Claimed that she had never had sex when Andrew was born and that he was an example of an emasculate conception. However God disputed this and demanded a DNA test in 1997. The test proved that God was not the father and Schlafly had to pay $87,000 in damages. She later clarified that she had meant to say that she had not had sex with her husband before Andrew was born, instead she had been busy making sweet sweet gross love with 600 men who she drugged.

Education

The foul and evil witch Upright and honest Republican lady Phyllis Schlafly homeschooled the little boy Andy till he was seven. ~~Did this traumatize him?~~ Did this improve him and help to make Andy the man he is today? You just take a peek at what Andy is like today and decide that yourself.

Motives

How we think Andy was before his second plastic surgery

Andy might have been like this before plastic surgery.

Andrew Schlafly felt angry that, at least in his mind [2], Wikipedia is biased towards a certain group of peoples' political point of view. So angry was he at this bias that he felt the need to create his own biased "encyclopedia". But unlike Wikipedia, the "biased" points of view come from his own imagination or from those of his unruly editors. He started Conservapedia because he is a Neocon, and neocons hate the truth contained in Liberapedia, or at the very least don't get the jokes because they don't understand "sense of humor", and need a place where they can add to conservative propaganda freely without interference. That is why this fascist idiot bans users from his site that won't help compose strictly conservative propaganda and doesn't allow anyone to post the actual truth there. Basically, Conservapedia is merely a joke website without a good punchline.

Reproduction of Mr.Schlafly

Here we're parodying Conservapedia and we know we're exaggerating.

Due to the fact no woman wants do be (who wants to never leave kitchen?) with Andy, he is forced to do something different than the old fashion way in order to reproduce. It is called (tense music plays in the backgroung)... HOMESCHOOLING! Yes, that's right. All the homeschooled teenagers become little Schlaflys. When the students are stopped being educated by Assfly and are about to go to college to receive proper education, he does something that makes them conservatives for life.

In his secret lab, he clones his own (little) brain, he takes the students while they're asleep, he drags them into his lab and then he surgically removes their old brain and inserts his own. After that, they can't be saved. He has done that with 170(!) students. That's the way he reproduces. His victims are physically the same, but mentally, they're an Andy Confly.

Seriously when his students grow up they'll find out how everyone except the hardcore Conservatives laughs at Conservapedia and we hope some of them will come to see what rubbish they've been taught.

Quotes

Here is the sum total of what 'Andy' says, compiled for you into one nifty sentence:

"Did you know that while making their Parthian shots, 95 percent of all deceitful liberals censor classroom prayer on behalf of evolution? Godspeed!"

"Non-liberal deceit is rare and you may not be able to find any."

Not really a quote, but Andy has only one laughing face.

External links