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The Bible

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We sometimes like to mix parody and satire with good information. We know you're smart enough to tell the difference.
Very many, possibly most liberals have some religious faith and there are Conservative atheists. We're liberal Freethinkers on this website and we like getting together with others who agree with us.

The Bible (aka 'The "Good" Book') contains the holy texts of the Christian religion. Christianity is an inclusive, evangelical religion aiming to appeal to as wide a group of people as possible, as long as said people are bigots. The Bible is therefore divided into two sections - the Old Testament and the New Testament. The bible its self is actally highly liberal and talks of helping the poor and stuff, but most christans have never read the bible, now because some of them are and are realizing the bible is very left, the bible its self, the center of the Republican Party is now the Republican Party's worst enemy. Conservapedia is trying to edit "liberal biased" parts in the bible because they think they know better than the people who saw some to the things in the bible and were apart of it. The bible actually has some very good ideas, thou most of them are out of date, others are comon sence.

Contents

Old Testament

The Old Testament is aimed at a Conservative readership and highlights Conservative values such as smiting one's enemies, vengeance[1][2], slaughtering those who disagree with you and stealing other people's countries[3]. It also preaches the slaying of all pagans[4], even the children of pagans who have no control over their being born to them[5], and it says to stone the gays[6], non-believers, and disobedient children[7] [8]to death. More.

New Testament

The New Testament is aimed at a Liberal readership and highlights Liberal values such as mercy[9], forgiveness [10], love[11] and generosity[12].

The principal characters in the Bible are God, and his son Jesus. God is very keen on smiting and appears to be a conservative whilst Jesus has more liberal views some of the time. Jesus also scared the sh*t out of people telling them about Hell. Much of the narrative tension in the book derives from this troubled family relationship. Over years the New Testament has been edited countless times (the Romans edited the day when Jesus was born to the 25th to combat paganism because that day is a pagan holiday to the sun god. It also says in the bible that Jesus was born in the season of Lambing which happens in the spring, not the winter as the day Christmast falls on [all though it is nice getting free stuff from religous people :)  

General information

Other major characters include Satan, Moses and Solomon the Wise.

The Bible was thought to be boring, compared to other regions books, by writers John Milton and Dante degli Alighieri. In Miltons' epic poem, 'Paradise Lost', the fruit offered to Adam and Eve is revealed to be an Apple, where the Bible does not actually say, although conservatives believe it does. Scientists also believe that it may also be a Pomegranate. The bible also has no information on Hell, until its vague descriptions in the New Testament, even calling it Sheol, a general underworld, in the Old Testament. Many Conservatives know nothing of Dante's 'Inferno', believing that Hell is already magnificently described in the Bible.

And as stated by Homer Simpson "This book has no answers."

The book its self says that it is not to be a base for goverment or laws, but only about 10 people have ever read the bible so its not very well known

The Bible and conservatives

Very few Conservatives have actually read the whole Bible. It’s full of ambiguity and contradiction. Christians are encouraged to do Bible study and in Bible study a teacher tells them which part of the Bible they should read. That way Christians never get to read the bad bits of the Bible in their lives. The teacher/lecturer/religious leader also quite likely tells them how to interpret what they’ve read. The Bible has the benefit of being the easiest book in history to be interpreted in any manner the reader wants, so that it will best fit in to their beliefs or their leader’s beliefs.

The Bible was written by men and contains various texts that encourage men to believe they are superior to women and/or to treat women badly. [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] The Bible is available at most major bookshops and all Christian churches.

The Conservative Bible Project

(Because the Bible isn't Conservative enough)

But there's a reason believers are cautious about reading or believing what they read in the Bible; they have all been translated by liberals. Andy Schlafly (Greek and Hebrew expert... well, with a little help from his friends) is laboring to beget unto the world, the very first "Bible translation" to be based on "the conservative approach". Andy writes, "No translation has yet been based on the wiki approach, or the conservative approach. I think this project has great potential. Already I have learned enormously from this, as I'm sure other participants have.--User:Aschlafly 19:55, 18 August 2009 (EDT)[1]. We've learned lots Andy. Keep up the good work!

Fundy on the Bible

To say the Bible was written by men and may contain inaccuracies completely contradicts the word of the Bible. Most of the storys in the bible are obusly not true, but are to be taken as an example of life or use to symbolize things (Snake = Evil, Apple = Temptasion)

Old Earth Evolutionist View on the Bible

There is no Old Earth Evolutionist view on the Bible, other than the fact that it is stupid. There are however certain liberals who like to fake it. Francis Collins heads Team Government of the Human Genome Project. It probably didn't help that Dr. Collins was home schooled but his accute psychotic episode epiphany seemed to occur after reading C. S. Lewis. In his book, The Language of God, Dr. Collin's harmonizes his faith in macroevolution evolution, with his personal relationship with God. His reasoning is therefore not based on "Intelligent Design" (in fact he rebukes many of these) but rather convincing insane teanagers they are under constant survilence moral arguments for God's existence.


References

  1. ↑ Numbers 31:1-2 (God orders vengeance against a certain group/country)
  2. ↑ Deuteronomy 32:22-27, 34-35 (God takes vengeance on a disobedient people
  3. ↑ Deuteronomy 7:1-5 (God orders invasion of a certain region)
  4. ↑ Deuteronomy 17:2-7 (Slaying pagans)
  5. ↑ Psalm 21:9-10 (Descendants of pagans to be destroyed)
  6. ↑ Leviticus 20:12 (God orders gays put to death)
  7. ↑ Leviticus 20:9 (Children who curse parents put to death)
  8. ↑ Leviticus 21:18-21 (Punishment of a rebellious son)
  9. ↑ Matthew 7:1 (Judge not...)
  10. ↑ Luke 23:34 (Father forgive them...)
  11. ↑ I Corinthians 13
  12. ↑ 2 Corinthians 9:7-11 (on generosity)
  13. ↑ Genesis 3:16 (The man shall rule over the woman...)
  14. ↑ Leviticus 12:1-2 (Women are unclean during their periods)
  15. ↑ Proverbs 2:16-17 (Implies that men never initiate adultery)
  16. ↑ I Corinthians 11:3-15 (Women should cover their heads)
  17. ↑ I Corinthians 14:34 (Women should be silent in church and should have no say)
  18. ↑ Ephesians 5:22-24 (Wives should ALWAYS submit to their husbands)
  19. ↑ I Peter 3:1-2,7 (Wives should be submissive and they are the weaker partner)

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