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China

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We sometimes like to mix parody and satire with good information. We know you're smart enough to tell the difference.
People's Republic of China
China-flag
Flag of China, the four small stars represent Mao Zedong, Deng Xiaoping, Jiang Zemin and Hu Jintao. While the large star represents the Communist Party .
Capital:: Beijing
Head of State: Xi Jinping
Head of Government Li Keqiang
Political party: Communist Party of China
Religion: Atheism

The People's Republic of China is a Country with a rich History, that, in recent years, has been taken over by a Totalitarian dictatorship that forces the people to work in sweatshops as slaves.[1] The Chinese dictators are officially Communists but their dictatorship has a lot in common with Fascism. American Neocons are also spreading the evil propaganda that China will overtake the USA and the dictatorship that is in power in China will take over the world in a event known as the New World Order.[2] In fact China's economy is growing extremely fast.[3] This growth will probably continue as it is easier to get people to work hard to escape poverty than it is to get, Rich people and Middle class people in Developed countries to work harder to get yet more things they don't need.

A book was written about China possibly being involved in funding Al-Qaeda to carry out 9/11.[4]

HistoryEdit

Mao main

Isn't that the worst haircut you have ever seen?

The Chinese "People's Republic" was first proclaimed in 1949 by Chinese Communist leader and soon-to-be mass murderer, Mao Tse-Tung, after years of violent conflict with the Japanese Empire and Kuomintang Nationalists who were the former rulers of the country. Neither the Communists nor the Nationalists were particularly nice, however, with the Communists having close links with the Soviet Union and the Kuomintang being partners with Nazi Germany and, later on, the United States.

Once the Communists had taken total power over mainland China and established their so-called "Republic", Mao Tse-Tung commenced the "Cultural Revolution", which involved the destruction of anything remotely cultural. Brutal militias known as the Red Guard were formed and began marching though the streets, beating the crap out of anyone not wearing green pyjamas and a red armband. Mao then introduced economic plans similar to those of the Soviet Union some years prior, not discouraged by the fact that none of the Soviet plans had worked and they had only plunged the USSR into more poverty.[5]

TearDownThisWall

US president Ronald Reagan delivers his historic speech, "Mr. Deng, tear down this wall! Reagan smash!"

Mao then died in 1976. No one celebrated, however, as Deng Xiaoping took power and introduced Communo-Capitalism. Far from being relieved, the Chinese were starving, oppressed, and now confused. Tired of this, some Chinese decided it was time to do something about it, and quickly took to the streets in protest against the government. The government then quickly took to the streets in protest against the population, and mowed them down with tanks. Since the protesters did not posses tanks, all were defeated apart from one man with a shopping bag, who managed to stop a column of the things single handedly, jumping up and down on them before being carted off by a couple of suspected CIA agents on bicycles. Some photographs were taken of this historic event, quickly stuffed into a toilet cistern to avoid police detection, then made into some of the most iconic images of the century.

After the protests, people stopped paying attention to China, as the world had much bigger problems such as the economic meltdown, global poverty and not knowing where to hold the 2008 Olympics.

Politics and GovernmentEdit

China is currently ruled by the Communist Party, also known as Hu Jintao. All forms of political dissent, such as having female children, are illegal. The country's one-child policy (for population control) has resulted in babies being left out in the streets to die or, in some of the most extreme cases, handed over to state-run orphanages. China also picks on it's neighbors, such as Mongolia.

HuAfrica

Hu Jintao makes his policies on Africa clear.

Government censorship is commonplace and freedom of expression is almost non-existent. Famously, when US president Obama's inauguration speech was published on the internet, the Chinese government managed to utilize its super-massive internet police force and block out every mention of Communism.[6] The government has also worked with internet search engine Google to block out any search results related to the Tienanmen Square crackdown or Tibet and the Dalai Lama.

Though supposedly Communist, the Chinese government seems to have managed to realise the worst of both worlds, with all the horrors of Capitalism such as sweatshops and anti-union laws getting right along with the usual Communist doctrine of political repression.

Recently, China has begun to tighten its grip around the African continent, tapping into its rich oil reserves and social potential. [7], causing Western nations to accuse China of plagiarism.

EconomyEdit

We exaggerate just a little sometimes.

China is the production behemoth of world economics. Around 99% of all products in the world[8] are made in China, and that's not even including the insane amount of pornography and arty movies that comes out of the country. Despite being Communist, China has the second largest economy in the world, and it is steadily gaining ground and heading for the top, further pissing of the United States and a good few German people.

Chinese-American Economic Chemical War of 2003-PresentEdit

Taking advantage of the fact that they make everything in the world, the Chinese decided to covertly declare biochemical war on the United States and Great Britain. The first act of war was the application of poison lead into all Chinese products, killing off an entire generation of Americans and a good few German people.

The only Americans left after the attack were those damn hippies who only buy overpriced organic things from Mexico, and a couple of Republicans that had been on holiday in Thailand.

America retaliated quickly and decisively by invading Iraq and declaring war on Socialism. It's totally working.

ReferencesEdit

  1. BBC report on conditions in P.R.C. factories
  2. Conservative view on Chinese plans for world domination
  3. BBC report on persistent economic growth in the P.R.C.
  4. Book says China involved in 9-11 attacks
  5. Report on agricultural failures of the U.S.S.R. by an official of the Socialist Federal Republic of Yugoslavia
  6. Chinese media censor Obama's speech
  7. Guardian report on Chinese influence in Africa and its repercussions
  8. Estimated.

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