Christianity
From Liberapedia
Christianity is an Abrahamic religion and comes in many different denominations. All forms of Theism are irrational because they believe that faith is better than Science and reason. Well, except for the Liberal Christians, who don't try mix and faith and science together. This is a very hard thing to do, but they do it, and could be the last Christian group who actually follow Jesus. In the Western world the Protestants and the Roman Catholics are the most common types of Christians.
Protestant Christianity is a popular branch of Christianity. It is part of the neocon plan to gain complete control over us. Fundy Protestantism involves going to church every Sunday, giving your money to the Preachers/Ministers/conservatives/Fox News, and taking the bible literally. You may be Christian if you like to be standing in the shadows of ignorance. You can be one if you want to. Just don't say we didn't tell you.
"But if you regret it, you may come again and confess for forgiveness. But you need to bring some 500 bucks or I can't help you. And remember, send a contribution in paper money, no checks, and you'll have a better sit in heaven."
Many of the more conservative Protestants avoid all subdivision labels, are particularly disparaging of the Protestant label, and refer to themselves strictly as Christians. They believe that 98% of professed Christians are lying and use this pulled-from-the-ass statistic to justify acting like a persecuted minority.
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Denominations
Roman Catholics
Roman Catholicism is commonly thought to interpret the bible literally, but in fact don't believe that, and believe that evolution happened, though theistic evolution it may be. Though many dumb catholics don't realize this and get swallowed by neoconservatives, even though their views are often different on every level. Overall the Catholic Church is preferable to fundy Protestant churches. John F. Kennedy was the only president who was a catholic.
Fun section
There is also speculation on whether the pope is a leprechaun.
Orthodoxy
Eastern Orthodoxy is a major sect of Christianity that formed after the Great Schism (in 1054 CE [1]). There are many Orthodox Churches, some important ones being the Church in Istanbul (Constantinople) the Ethiopian Orthodox Church which split from the Coptic Orthodox Church, and the Armenian Orthodox Church. Armenia was the first state to adopt Christianity, by the way.
Episcopalians
Episcopalianism is another type. They sort of pick and choose aspects from Catholics, Protestants and a little Judaism.
Bapists
Baptists follow St. John (the Baptist). They usually or always take the Bible literally and believe in Young Earth Creationism. The most prominent Baptist is Mike Huckabee. Here’s Uncyclopedia’s take on Southern Baptists.
Mormons
Mormonism is another type of Christianity. Morons Mormons follow the Old Testament, the New Testament, and a third book, the Book of Mormon. Which is weird. Apparently Jesus came to North America, told people they can have multiple wives and converted natives. New Jesus also didn't like blacks, gays, or masturbation.
Neocon View of Christianity
Christianity is a great truth. It explains things much better than evolution, which is a highly flawed fairy tale for adults [2]. God loves you. If you don't believe in Christianity, and don't spend a big part of your life kissing his ass praying, you will greatly regret it later when you burn in hell, even if you donate to the poor and help the environment god will hate you if you are not christen, and that’s why He made it the only way to salvation.
Conservative Christians, on the other hand, believe Jesus was a white, fair haired, blue-eyed, apple pie and Mom loving good ole boy who believed in war, and hated scroungers, hippies, and anyone who wasn't a conservative. They worshiped their hero, Adolf Hitler, who was a Christian himself. Hitler is a good example of how Neocon Christianity has benefited the world. Through his extermination of Jews and other non-Aryans, and his causing of mass warfare, he brought divine hope onto Earth. However, the Neocon View of Christianity believes that the Liberals of the World wanted to spread evil and chaos, and therefore ended Hitler's reign of greatness.
Liberal Christianity
Liberal Christians on the other hand are nice, intelligent, have a sense of humility, know what the heck they are talking about and don't take the Bible literally. They also care about poor people. Unfortunately, only 7 of them exist and they all live in remote parts of the Canadian wilderness. Rumors of a liberal Christian sect in Pennsylvania are numerous, but never confirmed. The speculation is based on the prochoice stance of Senators Arlen Spector and Former Governor Tom Ridge.
