Conservative Dictionary

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Understanding Conservative thought can be difficult. Not only is Conservative thought sometimes lacking Logic and irrational, it uses it some words and terms in unusual ways. To help you understand Conservatives better, we're trying to build a basic Conservative Dictionary. We realize that there are several regional dialects of Conservative, so we've just tried to cover the more generally accepted terms of American Standard Conservative.

How to speak Conservative: Edit

Yes, we're sometimes imaginative, but we hope you will understand when we're joking.

A Edit

Allabammuh - God's country.

Aborshun - When godless commie liberal women kill white babies that should be raised up to be decent Christian people.

Annerkist - An extreme type of Liberal who doesn't believe in government or law

AnnieChrist - The enemy of Christianity predicted in Revelations, likely President Obama

A Merakun - See Merakun

Arkunsaw - Mostly God's country.

Ayrab - A godless heathen crazy Muslim person of middle eastern descent who wants to kill all the Jews and Christians in the world and take their stuff. They wear towels on their heads and are are always trying to blow shit up.

B Edit

Barack Hussein Obama - Communist Kenyan Muslim atheist negroe that was illegally elected President of the United States

Barry Soetoro - See Barack Hussein Obama

Bircher - A member of The John Birch Society. Usually one smart cracker.

Big Guvmint - That's what those damn Godless commie liberals keep making. It's all silly stuff like defending individuals and Individual rights, and public property and resources, and the common good and other nonsense like that, then asking the folks who earn from our society to pay for the government. That's just plain silly. If you give Money to Poor people, they'll just waste it on Food and clothing. If you give money to Rich people, they'll invest it in America. That's the American way.

Black - A person of African heritage that knows his place

Block Vote - Shhh! Them's code words, son, we don't talk about that in public.

Bush - A heroic white Christian Patriot who became President, and led us to kick the shit out of a bunch of Godless heathen Arabs that didn't like the way we do things.

- Also his son, who was an even more heroic, more white, more Christian, more Patriotic President for twice as long and led us to kick the shit out of even more Godless heathen Arabs that needed to be shown what happens when you don't like how we do things in America! He worked tirelessly to bring us closer to the Rapture! Only one of the greatest Presidents EVER!

C Edit

C of CC - The new gentlemens club. Kind of like the old gentlemen's club, but for moderates.

Church - My local Baptist church, of course, but even some of the American Baptists, Methodists, Lutherans, Episcopalians and Presbyterians, as long as they don't get too uppity

Cunsurvitive - Any God-fearing Christian white man with a lick of sense.

Constitooshun - Only the greatest conservative legal document ever written

- also a big wooden ship that kicked English Ass

Commie - A damned Democrat liberal who wants to take all our freedom and all our stuff and give it to the government

Cullter - Ann Coulter is far from Perfect. She's a Yankee, shrewish, and not the prettiest Pup of the litter, but she's a god-fearing white Christian bitch-dog that's got a hell of a mouth on her and isn't afraid to use it on anyone who don't like the way we do things in God's country.

Cullurds - Them folks that weren't favored by God to be born white.

D Edit

Demmacrat - A Godless commie liberal trying to destroy the constitution and my church and take my guns and Money

Deelemmuh - Where do I sit at the next barbeque now that my cousins Divorced each other?

Deevors - Another commie liberal plot, giving my wife the idea she can cut me off or throw me out forever just because she caught me with Marlene down by the creek at the 4th of July picnic.

Dumshit - Someone without a lick of sense, like the folks that still vote for Democrats.

Dyke - A type of of Godless commie liberal that's trying to destroy the constitution and my church and take my guns and money that likes Girls

E Edit

Eeleets - Deluded commie liberals who think they're smart enough to actually matter.

Ekonumee - That's what the damned Godless commie Liberal Democrats have all messed up. Should have known we couldn't pay white man's wages to everyone at the same time they're taking all my money to give to shiftless layabouts.

Et-lannuh - A city in Georgia that used to be a model for the entire world, but has been taken over by layabouts, Jew bankers, hippies, criminals, and all other sorts of Godless commie liberals.

F Edit

Faggit - A Type of Godless commie liberal that's trying to destroy the constitution and my church and take my guns and money that likes boys.

Flag - The Stars and Bars, of course!

Floeduh - Florida used to be God's country, until the Jew commie liberals, yankie commie liberals and Cubans invaded. The Cubans may be coloreds, but at least they ain't commie liberals like the rest of them.

Freedom - That's what we God-fearing white American men have and the rest of the world wants. We do what we want and if they don't like it, tough shit

G Edit

Gawd - My Lord Jesus, of Course!

George Wallace - The last decent candidate before the commie liberals ruined the Democrats

Guvmint - What we have to make laws to keep the, Negroes, Mexicans, and White Trash in line and kick the ass of anyone who doesn't like how we do things in America.

H Edit

Handout - What the Commie Liberals take from decent white folk and give to layabouts

Helms - My man Jesse! A good ole boy for sure, our dear fallen leader of the Conservative Cause gone to his Maker.

Hee-row - A God-fearing Christian white man who helps the cause by keeping the commie liberals, Jews, homosexuals, coloreds, criminals and layabouts in their proper place by taking back what those commie liberals, Jews, homosexuals, coloreds, criminals and layabouts have big government has stolen from good white Christian heroes over the last 80 years, and uses it to make jobs for good God-fearing Christian white men and to help the cause.

Hee-thun - A Godless uncivilized person who didn't have the good fortune to be raised a civilized Christian.

Hippie - A dope-smoking commie liberal who refuses to take a bath or get a haircut

Hillree - A godless commie Yankee Liberal Democrat who's running for President. Better watch out for that one, not only is she smart, but she's got a pair of stones that are the envy of near every God fearing white man in Gods Country. It's actually one hell of a dilemna. As long as she has them she's a danger to the American Way, but every time Bill get's em back, we have to lock up our wives and daughters.

Hitler - A crazy German who tried to take over the world and kill all the Jews, but got carried away and started killing God-fearing Christian white men and was kicking English ass, and everyone knows only Americans are allowed to kick English ass, so we had to save those English again.

I Edit

Immuhgrayshun - What the damn commie liberal democrats are always whining about. Don't they know we got things the way we want them? Sure, ship back the women and children that won't or can't work and any criminals and shiftless layabouts too, but don't you be messing with my help. That Joe Arpaio's got the right idea, round em all up, feed them on a dollar a day, and rent them out to the job creators of America or put them in prisons run by real God-fearing Christian white heroes where they'll have to work to pay their way like they did in grandpa's day. And don't even think about making them legal either, you do that and big government will try to make us pay em white man's wages. "put a damn fence on the border going to Mexico and start shooting." (Joe the Plumber) [1]

Injun - A person of Native American descent. Don't you be saying nothing bad about my grandma.

J Edit

Jap - A heathen from Japan. They used to be pretty bad back when Grandpa was a boy, but we showed em the American way and now they make decent cars and damn fine TV's for watching Nascar and Fox News.

Jackson - A decent God-fearing white man who was a pretty good president back in the day, other than being a Democrat. Jackson was also a damn fine General who led the good Christian Americans to kick the shit out of the English at New Orleans, and later ran the Godless heathen Native Americans out of God's country.

- Also a damn fine city named after Andy Jackson

- Also Jesse Jackson, a uppity commie Liberal negroe Preacher who's always trying to add to and turn out the block vote to screw the God-fearing white Christian Republicans.

Jeew - Some of them were good folks and became Christians after God sent Jesus to show us the light. The rest of them killed Jesus and have been greedy commie liberal democrats ever since. Also they're sneaky and cheap , and make damn fine lawyers because they're smart as a white man, and can pass for white men, but they're not. Watch out for them Jews, boy!

Jeesus - My Lord and savior. I know he's real, because I call on him every time I hear about the latest commie liberal bullshit on Fox, and he keeps me safe, not one stroke or heart attack!

Jeff Davis - One of our greatest fallen heroic patriot leaders, martyred by liberals.

Joejuh - Georgia used to be God's country, but they've got a damn bad commie liberal problem in Atlanta.

Johnson - Oh My God, Jesus, not old LBJ. Oh my, barely worked in time. Johnson used to be a decent God-fearing Christian white man until he turned traitor against his people.

K Edit

Klu Klux Klan - The good ole boys of the local gentlemen's club.

Ken-tuck-ee - Kentucky isn't all God's country like it ought to be but it's damn close. Yes, they have a Godless commie liberal problem like all the border states do, but they're trying.

Kweer - Something that any God-fearing Christian white man knows that just ain't right. Like homosexuals and what they do to each other, and especially homosexuals who get uppity and expect to be treated like normal Christian folk and who don't have the good sense to move to some city up north in yankee country where the Godless commie liberals are stupid enough to tolerate their queer shit.

L Edit

Layabout - Any number of lazy democrats that think they're too good to get a job, or think they deserve white man's jobs and white man's wages, so they lay around the house all day, breed like jackrabbits, and only go out to get their welfare check or buy more malt liquor.

Librul - Jesus!, don't get me started. See, I told you it worked! They're damned Hippies and Jews and all manner of greedy commie democrats that want to take my guns and my money and give it to the government so the government can give it to negroes and white trash and other shiftless layabouts to have more kids and get more money and so on and so forth.

  • Lim-uh-zeen Lib-rul - A rich dumbass who doesn't have the sense to get on the Right side of the Class War. Probably because he's a God killing Jew bastard that we wouldn't have anyway!
  • Lah-tay Librul - Another kind of rich dumbass, but these ones like all sort of foo foo stuff. They don't have the sense to get on the Right side of the Class War either, but it's probably because they're swishy faggots who don't have the sense to keep that stuff out of sight like a good Republican Senator would, and now we cant have em in God's Party anyway..

Lih-buh-tee - Liberty's another word for freedom. Liberty's your God-given right as a Christian white man. Don't ever forget, son, we may take liberties but we never take them for granted!

Linkun - Lincoln's the founder of the Republican Party. Yes I know they say he freed the Slaves, but he only freed the ones in conquered territory, and he should have bought them all and set them free back in Africa like it says in the Constitution, but those damned Jew Yankees were too fucking cheap for that, so he did what he had to do to save America, and if that dumbshit Boothe hadn't killed him he'd have shipped them all back, but we don't talk about that because we're the Party of Lincoln and some of those dumb negroes might still vote Republican if we keep quiet about it.

Loozieannuh - It ain't all God's country like it ought to be, but the parts that aren't are damn close.

M Edit

Market - That's where the wife gets our groceries. Those damn commie Liberals are always talking about wanting Free markets, don't they know how much Democrats can eat? How the hell are we going to pay for that?

Marshall - That's Billie Earl, he's the fellow that makes sure the negroes are in before dark and keeps the negroes, white trash, and other shiftless layabouts in line.

- Unless you mean Thurgood! More like no good. Jesus! oh, worked again. Whoever had the bright idea of educating negroes should be shot! If educating negroes isn't bad enough, teaching one to be a lawyer is even worse. Appointing a negroe to the Supreme Court is a travesty! Should have known a negroe would have no respect for white man's liberty! That boy set the cause back years. Jesus! Oh, yeah, worked again.

Mason - A Freemason. Part of a godless jew commie libereral conspiracy to destroy my church and take over the world.

- A liberal dumbshit from Virginia who could have signed the Constitution and been a famous heroic patriot founding father, but was a liberal dumbshit and race traitor instead.

Missussippuh - God's country.

Mizzurruh - Parts of Missouri are damn near God's country, but they've never been able to get rid of the damned commie liberals in the north.

Merakun - Any god-fearing Christian white person from the United states that's not a Democrat.

Mezkun - A person from Mexico. Also generally any colored person of Native American descent who comes from south of the United States. They're colored, but at least they'll take a job and we don't have to give them white man's jobs and white man's wages.

Moderate - Generally good God-fearing Christian folk, who are helping the cause, but are too shy and pussified to admit it in public.

N Edit

Nathan Bedford Forest - General Forest was a patriot and the hero who started the local gentlemens club

Nazkar - Our favorite sport in Gods Country. It's where we get together and drink beer and celebrate our skills at sticking it to the Yankee Feds. Also an important part of Good Government. Back in the day they used bread and circuses. Here in God's Country we use Beer and Nascar!

Neegruh - A word we try to use in polite company to refer to people of African descent.

Nigguh - A shiftless, lazy, layabout, or uppity person of African descent.

Nigguh-luv - Now every good God-fearing Christian white man who's been raised right knows that no matter how much a fellow might enjoy a bit of brown Sugar, he must protect himself. If you're not careful, you can catch a "socialist disease" like Negroe-love or Pinko-ism, and it'll turn you traitor to your people. So, just ask yourself "what would Strom Thurmond do?" and be smart, harden your heart!

Nixon - One of the best presidents we ever had until he turned liberal. When he was young, he was a real ball of fire in rooting out commies, but once he started talking to them damn red Chinese, he turned liberal. Should have known a Quaker wouldn't have the stones to go toe to toe with Mao. Took us off the gold standard, and now those yankee Jew bankers are going to own America. Started the EPA, the E-P-fucking-A for God's sake. He turned Affirmative Action against white people, froze our wages and prices like a damned communist, then even started calling himself a Keynesian like some damn commie liberal. When his boys got caught, we said fuck him and we left him out in the cold, serves him right for abandoning his people.

Noe-luns - Only the funnest city in all of God's country. Now it's even better than ever since Bush ran off more of the commie liberal layabouts after that hurricane.

Noeth - Any place north of God's country. Where the Godless commie liberals, Jews, Hippies, and shiftless layabouts we run off live.

- Also Ollie. A god-fearing white Patriot who fought the Godless commie Mexicans and Arabs, and who was martyred by the damn Jew lawyers and commie liberal Democrats, but came back to be a leader of God's people.

Noeth Kare-uh-line-uh - Still God's country and will stay that way if they can keep the Jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and Godless commie liberals congregating in the cities from getting to uppity.

O Edit

Obama - What did I tell you about educating negroes, and especially about teaching them to be lawyers? Jesus, It's an abomination! Ah, still working.

Obamanation - Damn democrats gave that bastard liberal negroe preacher Jackson's voting block to Obama and now we have a whole Obamanation. Jesus, this is almost too much! Still working, but hardly worth it anymore.

Obommuhcare - Poor sick people can get to a doctor and get better without paying! We ain't never going to get those layabouts to do a decent days work for what we want to pay them if they're not desperate. That's fucking Socialism.

Okluh-hommuh - That's where General Jackson ran the heathen Native Americans off to. Fortunately, decent God-fearing Christian white folks took over most of it, and the Native Americans had the good sense to accept the Lord and most of them married decent God-fearing Christian white folks, and Oklahoma is mostly God's country now.

P Edit

Papist - That's them Roman Catholics, son. They listen to some old white man who doesn't like girls and wears a dress. Sometimes they turn Godless or liberal or even Godless liberal too. We had a lot of trouble with those Catholics back in the day, so watch them close.

Palin - Sarah may not be an ideal leader of God's people because she's had the misfortune to be born a woman, but she's a decent God-fearing Christian white woman who's a fine Advocate for the cause. She may be a little bit goofy, but it's cute, and I'm sure whichever good heroic and patriotic God-fearing Christian white man becomes the next leader of God's People will appreciate having her on his staff, if you know what I mean, son.

Partee - That's what decent God-fearing white men do on Saturday afternoon, or after Church on Sunday.

- Also a Reepublickun Partee. That's when decent God-fearing Christian white men get together to keep the Jews, Catholics, hippies, negroes, layabouts and all manner of other Godless commie liberals in line and generally break up the block vote and run them worthless sorts off to the north. In grandpa's day, they didn't have to run them off, but the damn godless commie liberals have things all fucked up now, and until we get States rights we can't set things straight again.

- Also a Tee Partee. That's like a Republican Party, except with our good friends at Fox News, and for Tea-Totalers.

- Also a Democratic Partee. But those haven't been any fun for years, since the damn Godless commie liberals took over. You can't even bring your Guns or Dogs or Ropes or most anything fun anymore.

Patriot - That's a good God-fearing Christian white man who loves how we do things in America and is always willing to kick the shit out of those folks who don't.

Paul-uh-ticks - That's deciding how we do things in America. It used to be only done by good God-fearing patriotic Christian white men like it's supposed to be, but the Godless commie liberals snuck in and changed things and now they're all fucked up.

Pink or Pinko - A young commie, or someone who's just starting to turn commie or socialist or democrat. Be careful where you have your fun, boy, or you can catch a socialist disease and next thing you know you'll be a pinko.

Poppery - That's being a papist.

Puh-loo-shun - That's something else the damn Godless commie liberals are always whining about. If you don't like smoke, don't live downwind from the mill. If you want to be able to drink the water, don't live downstream from the plant. Yes, I know those places are cheaper, but they're cheaper because they're only fit for negroes and layabouts. Jesus son, ah working still, don't you have a lick of sense? The whole world can't live like white men. White men need jobs, and our heroes need the money to be able to help the cause after all. Back in Grandad's day, if folks bought the cheap places on the wrong side of the tracks with the negroes they had the good sense to not complain about the smoke from the trains, and if they did complain the local gentlemens club was there to straighten them out.

Q Edit

Queer - Don't you have the sense God Gave a Piss-ant, son? Look under K for Kweer.

R Edit

Rand - Rand's not really a conservative, but if anything, he's even better. He's a good God-fearing Patriotic Christian white man who's a hero to his people and wants good God-fearing Christian white men to have even more liberty.

Rapture - The rapture's the second coming of Christ. Well, maybe the third coming if you're a Mormon, but no real Christian believes that. As soon as we can get those heathen Arabs and Jews fighting good, we'll get the rapture.

Reds - See commie

Ree-lijun - That's our Faith. Not just any faith or any religion, but good old-time Christian white man's religion like granddad had and his dad before him and so on back to when God brought us here.

Ree-pub-lick - Our government is a Republic. This ain't no damn Democracy, it's a republic! It exists to create and continue the American way, and if you don't like it, tough shit.

Ree-pub-lick-un - See Partee.

Ray-gun - The most heroic and Patriotic and whitest God-fearing Christian President ever! Fought commies wherever he found them, Russia, Germany, France, Unions, China, just everywhere. Did his best to make those shiftless layabouts and hippies and commies and and Jews pay the way, and what he couldn't make them pay he borrowed from their from their commie liberal Social Security, Pensions, Unemployment, and Medicare funds. He made it so good God-fearing Christian heroes could get back what those Godless commie liberals had stolen from good God-fearing Christian heroes over the last 40 years and use it to help the cause. He got those heathen Arabs and Jews going at it over the Holy Land and pert near brought on the Rapture single-handed, and might have pulled it off if that uppity liberal race traitor Carter hadn't butted in and fucked it all up. If we real Christians still made saints, Ronald Reagan would be one for sure!

Rights - That's your birthright as a God-fearing Christian American white man, son.

- Also a bunch of stuff those Godless commie liberals are always yammering about: Civil rights, Human rights, Animal rights, women's rights, Gay and lesbian rights, voting rights, rights, rights, rights, blah, blah, blah, everything but God-fearing Christian white American men's rights, well fuck em.

- Also Right Wing, The Right, and we don't call it the right for nothing. The right is right, and The Left is just plain wrong.

Rawbbut E. Lee - Maybe the greatest and most patriotic general in the history of America. Led God's people in defense of God's Country, the American way, and State's Rights. Sadly, he became a martyr to his people when the Godless commie yankee liberals stripped him of his rights as a good God-fearing Christian white man and stole his land. If we real Christians still made Saints, he'd be one too!

Romney - He's just darned near a God-fearing Christian white man who tried to be a leader of God's people back in the 60's, but couldn't because he's a Mexican Mormon.

- Also His son Willard, or Mitt, who was much more heroic because he took the pensions of those Godless commie unions and used them to help the cause, and was also near a God-fearing Christian white man who tried to be a leader of God's people but couldn't because he is a Mormon and a two-faced douche.

S Edit

Seg-ruh-gate - That's the way God meant us to do things in God's country. Whites with whites, coloreds with coloreds. Cats with cats & dogs with dogs. The damn Jew lawyers and commie liberals have things all fucked up now and we can't even segregate out the heathens and queers. Jesus, it just ain't right. Boy, that was a close one.

South Kare-uh-line-uh - The traditional heart of God's country and will stay that way if they can keep the Jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and Godless commie liberals congregating in the cities from getting to uppity.

State's Rights - Those are more code words, son. Hush! We'll talk later in private.

Strom - That's Senator Thurmond, the grand old man of the United States Senate. He was a hero, a Patriot, and an inspiration to God-fearing Christian white men everywhere. Another of our great fallen leaders.

T Edit

Tenn-uh-see - God's country with mountains.

Texas - God's country with oil and Mexicans, except for Austin where the jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and elites and all sort of other Godless commie Liberals have gotten uppity.

U Edit

Union - What the hell? If you mean Yoo-yun, look under Y.

V Edit

Vir-jin-yuh - Still God's country and will stay that way if they can keep the Jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and Godless commie liberals congregating in the cities from getting to uppity.

Votuh Frawd - Hush, son, those are more code words. We don't talk about that.

W Edit

West Vir-jin-yuh - Used to be God's country until the Jew bankers and lawyers and negroes and hippies and Godless commie liberals got too uppity.

X Edit

Y Edit

Yelluh Dawg - That's what the Republicans used to call us before the Democrats were ruined and back when the Republican were Godless commie liberals. One of the Godless commie liberal Republicans said that every good God-fearing Christian white man in God's country, and their grandads, and great-grandads, and their great-great-grandads would vote for anybody that was a Democrat, even a yellow dog. We may vote for yellow dogs, but those yellow dogs better be Republicans these days.

Yoon-yun - That's something the commies started up back before WWI. Those commies tried to turn all the help commie, and get them to rise up and take all our stuff and give it to the government and they managed to do it in Russia. Those Unions used to give us a bunch of trouble until God sent us Ronald Reagan to set us free of those godless commies.

Z Edit

Zombeh - That's quite a story, son. It was many years ago when the gentlemen's club was doing it's duty that one of the negroes took exception to the schooling the boys were giving her husband. Now, you may not know this, but some of those negroes brought powers with them when they were shipped to America. Anyway, this negroe laid a curse on some of our ancestors, that they'd never find rest. Every Halloween they rise from their graves and walk the earth for a couple weeks. Well, it's all pretty terrible, and damned inconvenient mostly, but the Joke's on that negroe. They may be Zombies, but they're God-fearing Christian white men first and they always vote the party line. Now you know, but shh.. we don't talk about that.


See also Edit


  1. 'Joe the Plumber': 'Put a fence on the damn border and start shooting'Joe The Plumber: 'Wanting A White Republican President Doesn't Make You Racist,' It 'Makes You American'We're not sure if this was a joke.

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