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Constitution Party

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Here we're parodying Conservapedia and we know we're exaggerating.

The Constitution party is the only major third party worse than Conservatives, they are an extreme right wing party.

ExtremismEdit

We exaggerate just a little sometimes.

They are extremely racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-Mexican pigs who aim to keep the constitution the way it was written hundreds of years ago except when it suits their agenda to ignore it.

TariffsEdit

They support tariffs but only because they do not want any of the products they buy to have been touched by people not from America.

Theocratic totalitarianismEdit

They want to make the government large enough to enforce the rule of the old bearded dude in the sky who made them out of mud. They also want to bring back all the nutty biblical laws about 'not eating fruit from a five-year-old tree' and 'stoning fornicators' and 'murdering gay people' and 'making women veil themselves at all times.' In short, this is what totalitarianism is - they want a big government like we have, not to help people, but to step on their toes. So they're like conservatives, but with a bigger government and more racism. As if that were possible.

They also claim that marriage is what the people define it as- not the government. But never when the people say same sex marriage should be legal. How cute.

IsolationismEdit

They say that the United States should not interfere with murder in the rest of the world, which is at least better than conservatives, but this is because even the teeniest tax amount to fund the military, never mind beneficial social programs, is too much.

RacismEdit

They hate people with a different skin color from them, and want to be able to deny poor immigrants the chance of a better life based on ill health or financial dependence. Because obviously, the people who are financially independent and perfectly healthy are just begging to be let into a land that should give them all that they already have. They reject claims of amnesty for immigration, and hope one day that nobody will be allowed in to a land of freedom and justice for all, because there will be a wall taller than the sun made of cement and guarded by volunteers swarming with guns.

AbortionEdit

They want all abortion illegal, no appeals whatsoever, they may agree to abortion to save the life of the mother, see Pro-life and Pro-choice.

But once you’re born if you’re not American you don’t count.

SexEdit

They believe that the government should enforce a narrow definition of propriety, and that gay people should be murdered on sight. All porn will be illegal and punishable by the death penalty. Is it part of great art? Tough titties. They would snap the dong off of David if they were allowed to and deprive millions of children the realization that a porn star penis is not an average length.

EnglishEdit

They want it so children don't need to go to School, do not need to learn how to read, they only require that everybody in the USA know English perfectly.

CharityEdit

They believe that charity, an act that occurs at the whim of a person, is better than welfare, and that the federal government has no business whatsoever helping people who need help. Government should be too small to create jobs for the people who need them. See Religious Right for more about how the American right generally pays attention only to those parts of Christianity that suit them.

StatesEdit

They believe that States should be free to just break off from the government whenever they feel like it.

IraqEdit

In a case of the stopped clock being right twice a day, they oppose the wars in Iraq and don't see the "war on terror" as an excuse to invade other countries.

See alsoEdit

External linksEdit

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