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Darrell Issa

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Issa-Official-Hi-Res

His smile shows it: even now, he's thinking up lies.

Darrell Issa is a car alarm manufacturer, congressman, and conspiracy theorist.  He represents the highly conservative 49th District of California and  chairs the House Committee of Oversight and Government Reform where he has wasted a lot of time attempting to link fake scandals to Barack Obama in an effort to make the Democrats look bad. He is the richest member of Congress[1]. The fact he makes car alarms should not fool you: he has little knowledge of science.

He's Been Involved in a Few Fishy Situations HimselfEdit

Issa once had a concealed weapon in his car[2].  According to the police report he said that in Ohio you could carry a gun as long as you had a justifiable reason.  His was the classic NRA gun defense: to protect himself[2]

The other incidents are as follows:

Mr.Grand Theft AutoEdit

Issa has been accused of auto theft not once,not twice, but THREE TIMES!  The first happened when Issa was serving in the Army near Pittsburgh. 1st Seagent Jay Bergey accused Issa of stealing his car after it disappeared while Bergey was on buisness for the army.  Bergey said "I confronted Issa. . .. . I got in his face and threatened to kill him, and magically my car reappeared the next day, abandoned on the turnpike[3]." 

David Plouffe, a former Obama campaign manager and analyst tweeted, "Strong words from Mr Grand Theft Auto and suspected arsonist/insurance swindler. And loose ethically today[4]."

His big brother, William, was involved in two arrests, which is lucky for Darrell because William serves as a sort of scapegoat in these cases.  Issa has said that he went into the car alarm business "because my brother was a car thief."  He has also said of William that "He took the rap for me[5]."

Obama strategist and adviser David Plouffe called him "Mr. Grand Theft Auto[6]" after he called White House press secretary Jay Carney "a paid liar."

He LiesEdit

Issa claimed to have protected Richard Nixon at the 1971 World Series.  Actually, in 1971 Nixon didn't go to the World Series.  And despite what he said about how great he was in the Army, he had been demoted for poor conduct[7].

Disturbing Business TactisEdit

When Issa was starting out in the car alarm buisness, he loaned $60,000 to a man named Joey Adkins.  When Adkins couldn't pay him back, Issa went to court, forclosed the loan, and had Adkins come to his office, where he told him, "I just took your company[2]."

Issa then fired a guy by showing him a box with a gun. 

In early September of 1982, Issa quadrupled the fire insurance on a warehouse he owned. Less than three weeks later, the warehouse burned down. 

Issa said he had nothing to do with the fire.  He failed to provide an alternate explanation regarding why he removed a computer from the warehouse and locked several documents in a fireproof box before the fire[7].  Investigators also discovered "suspicious burn patterns" including the fact that boxes had burned as if flammable liquid had been poured on them and that there were two seperate areas of origin[2]

The insurance company refused to pay the claim; so all the fire did was tarnish Issa's reputation.  He has been lying about it for decads. 

How he Used His Car Alarm CashEdit

Don't buy anything from Direct Electronics, Inc; because then Darrell Issa will get some of your money and spend it on Republicans

SenateEdit

In 1998, he came in second in the Senate Republican primary to Mark Fong.  Fong recieved $3 million in donations.  Issa only recieved $400,000.  However, he put in $12 million of his own money.    Issa spent more money than Barbara Boxer had during the entire 1992 election cycle.  However, Issa's story shows us that you can't always buy an election; and Fong won the primary.  He would be beaten in the general election by the awesome incumbent Barbara Boxer.

Recall ElectionsEdit

In 2003, he helped fund a recall election camapaign to defeat incumbent Grey Davis, who had just won reelection that November, and replaced him with a Hollywood bloke named Arnold Schwarzenegger.    Actually, first he said that he'd run.  Then some genius suggested he was spending the money to make himself governor.  So Issa didn't run, but spent his cash on a guy without real political experience.  

Because Schwarzenegger was a celebrity who had been in the movie Terminator, a lot of people probably thought it was cool that the guy who had been in the movie was on the ballot and voted despite his lack of prior political experience.   Issa's money  made people realize that he was on the ballot and come out and vote for him.   There were better candidates from the GOP on the ballot and a very good candidate in lieutenant governor Cruz Bustamante. 

Oversight Committee ChairEdit

Since the Tea Party sweep in 2010, Issa has chaired the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform.  He has used his position to try to make Obama look more scandalous than Nixon and Clinton (not Reagan-Issa and the rest of the Republicans think of him as a saint, incapable of any wrong doing-ever).  Fortuantly, this only worked on the people who watch Fox News.

At the beginning of his chairmanship, Issa said, "Obama is one of the most corrupt presidents of all time[8]."  Then, he took it back, saying that he was only talking about the entire administation. 

The problem with that is that now he feels obligated to prove himself right.   He can't afford to disappoint Fox again; because they'll call him a moderate and then some tea partier will challenge him just like they're doing to Mitch McConnell

BenghaziEdit

President Obama Speaks on the Consulate Attack in Benghazi05:26

President Obama Speaks on the Consulate Attack in Benghazi

Fast-foward to 4:18.

When the Benghazi Attack happened, Republicans were angry, screaming "FOUR AMERICANS WERE KILLED AND IT'S ALL OBAMA AND CLINTON'S FAULT!!!"  They failed to mention that over four thousand Americans died in The Iraq War and that was all Bush's fault[9].

When Susan Rice said on four TV shows that the attaks were in response to the movie Innocence of Muslims, Issa brought up  Greg Hicks, the number-two man in Libya, said it was "an act of terror."  Issa got very angry at Obama and Rice for not calling it that, despite the fact that Obama did refer to an "act of terror."  There's even a video to prove it. 

Greg Hicks also said that Benghazi was a security failure and that there was a team ready to be deployed to which Barack Obama gave a stand-down order.  Then he was demoted; which he, Issa, and Fox all said was because he was a whistleblower.  They never thought of his apparently poor mangement skills[10].

Of course, Issa was really excited when Hicks testified in front of his committee.  The problem is that Hicks didn't always give him the best results[11].  There was a whole pre-hearing testimony where Hicks said things that contradicted what he had said on TV in the past.  For instance, he said that he though that the F-16 fighter jets could be sent to Benghazi based on what apparently expirience revolutionairies, not the Pentagon, told him.  Then Hicks said during questioning that the special forces was ready to be deployed to secure the airport, not join in the fighting the way Fox News dreamed it up.

Apparently , Issa was daydreaming about Obama's impeachment trial during those parts of the hearing, because he really didn't seem to care and is currently bothering the State Department asking them for more documents to further his own interests.

IRS ScandalEdit

When it was discovered that the IRS was using extra scrunity with tea party groups, Issa leapt to his feet!  Yay!  He haf found another way to get  Obama impeached

He only had one setback, a self-described "conservative Republican" said Obama was not involved.  "F*%^ it" thought Issa.  He ignored the remainder of the testimony and considered a solution.  He finally decided to pay attention to only the testimony that he agreed with.  The rest of it could just never exist.

Luckily, Elijah Cummings is the ranking Democrat on the Oversight Committee.  When Issa refused to release the full transcript to protect his lies, Cummings released it himself.  

The whole world knew Issa is a true crook and a liar.  But he didn't stop, even when it was revealed that 1) the IRS also targeted liberal organizations and 2) that after all this, Issa is a total idiot for wasting government money on this investigation. 

But he hasn't stopped.  Currently, Issa is wanting to investigate the “inconsistencies” in the administration's narrative[12].  As if no inconsistencies had come up during Issa's witch hunt. 

ReferencesEdit

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