Scottish National Party
Pàrtaidh Nàiseanta na h-Alba
The SNP supports the fight against AIDS.
Leader: Alex Salmond
Not Leader: Nicola Sturgeon
Nemesis: Tony Blair, England
Base of Operations: Glasgow

The Scottish National Party (most certainly not to be confused with the British National Party) are, and regularly host, the biggest party in Scotland, and the only native party in the Scottish Parliament (Wendy Alexander wasn't invited, however). Naturally, their main goal is to bail the constituent country of Scotland from the catastrophic economic failure of the UK and form their own catastrophic economic failure in an independent nation. Other goals include reinstating the death penalty for Tony Blair, making St. Andrew's Day a national holiday, and rebuilding Hadrian's Wall... and making it taller.

The party is very popular in Scotland, mainly because they flipped the bird to the Americans and released Abdelbaset al-Megrahi on compassionate grounds. Unfortunately, Scotland was then liberated by the US Army, and the SNP was thrown out of power. For more information, read Alan Clements' new book. That's where we got ours.


We exaggerate just a little sometimes.

The party was founded by William Wallace after he saw what a slap-up job his friend Gerry Adams had done with Ireland. To signify the founding, Wallace deported all English people from Scotland, then downed a whisky, recited Scotland the Brave three times and threw a ceilidh at his place.

Scotland was then invaded by a combined force of Redcoats and US Marines. After a series of fierce battles and a military intervention from the Irish Republican Army on the side of the SNP, Wallace was taken from power before he could abolish immigration. Scotland was then ruled by Margaret Thatcher until 2007, when the SNP were elected again and St. Andrew expelled all the snakes from Scotland, which is why you won't find any Tory MPs in Glasgow.


Since the SNP has the nerve to have a "Health Secretary", we can only assume that the party is Social Democratic and centre-left.

For the most part, the SNP campaigns for Scottish independence, hoping to found a new Republic of Scotland, and probably ally itself with China, or Albania. The party hates the Queen, Labour and AIDS. They support the National Health Service, which is probably why Scotland's NHS is the only one in Britain that doesn't suck quite as much as Spain's. The others do, because everyone in England and Wales are Conservative and Labour, respectively, and know that spending cuts are cool.

The SNP have witnessed massive surges in their popularity ever since they attempted to quarantine Falkirk, especially in Falkirk. The plan didn't pull through, however, as the relevant authorities were too busy in Edinburgh, digging holes for Tories, Unionists and airport officials to fall into.

The Scottish Republican Army, the military branch of the SNP, has been accused of various war crimes, such as irritating people in the street, giving voters papercuts with election pamphlets, and failing to kill Pat Robertson.

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