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Jeb Bush

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Jebbush-bigcheater

Whatever you do, don't play cards with him.

Well we know this exaggerates but there's an element of truth.

John Ellis "Jeb" "Jebster" "Jebmeister" "Jebhead" Bush is the evil Republican Governor of Florida who stole the election of 2000 for his brother, George W. Bush from the more qualified candidate Al Gore; thus causing eight of the worst years in the history of the United States of America, plus all the years we had to recover from it.

A Family of VillainsEdit

These people are all related to Jeb Bush:

  • Barbara Bush: Jeb's mom. Aside from the fact that she married an evil guy and gave birth to several more, she did encourage reading.
  • A lot of miscellaneous siblings who don't matter much.

Jeb vs. GeorgeEdit

His brother George was already the governor of Texas; Jeb stole Florida so they wouldn't have to fight over Texas.   This is how they compared as governor:

Issue           George Jeb
Capital Punishment Holds the record for most prisoners executed; executed 134.  Though he said the executions are "fair and just" they were not.[1] Executed 21; suspended executions after one went wrong
Economy Tried to impose a buisness tax.  Failed. Slashed funding for public libraries.
Education Put in more standardized tests, but refused to raise taxes to support education.  Prioritized reading. Also used standardized tests; also prioritized reading.  Republicans don't care about math.
Abortion Rights Hates abortion; had anti-abortion record. Designated January 1998, "a month of prayer to end abortion." [2]

Signed legislation to regulate abortion clinics.[3]

Immigration Supported immigration reform, but his party didn't like it, so he gave up Supported a path to citizenship, then wrote a book that said a path to citizenship is wrong, and disagreed with the book the day it was published

Clearly, both Bushes were more liberal when they were governors than when George became president. Which means both these things: 1) Don't vote for Jeb for president (EVER) and 2) Rick Perry's the governor of Texas. He'll clearly get more conservative if he becomes president in 2020. So don't vote for him, either.

Lying, Cheating, and StealingEdit

In 2000, Jeb Bush was still the governor of Florida. George Bush was still the governor of Texas. But things were about to change. George was running for president.

Since Florida is a swing state with a lot of electoral votes, Jeb knew that he could play a part in his brother's victory. So he and his Secretary of State, Kathleen Harris got together. Harris agreed not to add newly registered ex-convicts and other people who would likely vote for Al Gore to the list of eligible voters. Thus, registered voters were turned away and their votes were not counted. Two ID's were demanded from African-Americans; some cars were even searched. Full ballot boxes turned up missing.

Meanwhile, white, old, rich, racist Florida Republicans cast the votes that helped Bush win Florida by a few hundred votes, [4] see 2000 U.S. Presidential Election.

Why they did itEdit

Even before Bill Clinton replaced George H.W. Bush in 1993, America was sick and tired of not only Bushes, but the entire Republican Party. It has been this way since then. Despite what Jeb and George want you to think, Al Gore won the national popular vote by more than 500,000. So Al Gore should have won... NOT ONLY because 500,000 more people voted for him and that's before you count the people who should have voted, but didn't, but that double-bubble ballots for Gore weren't counted, and they often put out confusing Butterfly ballots. The same thing with missing votes happened with John Kerry in 2004. [5]

In 2006 and 2008, the Democrats were awesome and almost invincible, despite what the Republicans did. But they were plotting behind closed doors, and in 2010 they got the House back. In 2012, they lost the popular vote for house seats, but kept the majority because of gerrymanding.

If a political party is so bad at attracting voters that they have to cheat for over a decade to get anything done, it means that either they have to change their ways, or the other party should be able to take over. It's more than clear that unless the Republicans are willing to make some major adjustments, they should just concede to the Democrats.

Secret Guacamole RecipeEdit

Jeb's secret guacamole recipe was released to the public on January 2 2016. Apparently It is the same Guacamole that sits inside his $75 Guaca bowl on sale. The ingredients are

Avocados “Make sure they’re not too ripe, but they gotta be ripe enough.”

Cilantro

Onions

Jalapeño “rather than chile serrano”

Garlic “not too much”

Notes:

No lemon and no tomatoes.

And don’t go making this in a bowl. “You gotta use amolcajete,” Bush said.

[6]

Gotta hand it to Bush. Him trying to release his so-called Guacamole recipe so he can boost his campaign just made him look more stupid then he already is. And the irony about this is that he calls it a secret recipe when he just reveled half of it.

Televison programEdit

If Jebby does not become president in the year 2016 then he is going to sign on to a new program call the Jebsons. The television is going to Star Jeb as himself Karl Rove as Mr.Banana Guy. Jeb's brother Dubya as Monkey Man or Ape man. Donald Rumsfeld as DumDum, Dick Cheney as Dick Head, Rush Limbaugh as Hairbrush Harry, John Ashcroft as the craftman Osama bin Laden as the durrky selling you a slurpee, & Condi Rice as Wonder women. Colin Powell & Michael Bloomberg will make guest appearances. Ronald Reagan may make a special guest appearance as Zombie Reagan. The television show will come on after Fox News. So if you think that Bill O'Reilly & Megyn Kelly were annoying you by talking about the NSA. Then wait till you see the Jebsons. You will wish that you never had a TV.[citation needed]  we bet that if Donald Trump were to become President then he would sign an executive order to cancel the Jebsons.

Will the program be a comedy or a crime thriller? Will they feature worse Lying, Cheating, and Stealing than we already saw in reality? That could be a blockbuster!

If he were POTUSEdit

If Jeb Bush were president he would compel tech companies to hand over encrypted data [7]

GalleryEdit

See AlsoEdit

ReferencesEdit

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