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Jedi

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We exaggerate just a little sometimes.
Obama the Jedi

Obama practicing the ways of the Jedi

A Jedi is defined as one who is in touch with the Force, the Jedi belong to an order formed millennia ago by President Abraham Lincoln, in a Galaxy Far, Far away. They are one of the most recognizable icons of Reagan's famous Star Wars title.

Though commonly known as protectors of truth and justice, the Force is a powerful tool, and there are many Jedi who have turned to the Dark Side, overwhelmed by its influence.

HistoryEdit

Border Patrol Confrontation

"You don't need to see our Identification."

The Jedi first appeared around the time of the Revolutionary War, and it was their arrival, (not the French) that finally pushed the war effort in favor of the Americans during the Battle of Yorktown. With the surrender of Cornwallis's Lightsaber, the United States was finally free to assert its independence from the control of the British Empire.

For a time, the Jedi disappeared, training in secret, until it came to pass that their abilities were needed again during the American Civil War. Upon the victory of the Union, President Abraham Lincoln founded the American Jedi Order, and declared that from then on any evildoer would have to answer to his Patriotic Lightsaber of Justice.

While the Jedi order has in general, been a force of good, there have been many Jedi who have forsaken the honor of the Jedi Code, such as former Presidents Nixon and Reagan, just to name a few.

Notable IndividualsEdit

This list is still incomplete. Feel free to add to it.

  • Abraham Lincoln - served as Grandmaster of the Jedi Order until his assassination by the Bounty Hunter John Wilkes Booth in 1865.
  • Jimmy Carter - The awesome and renowned Super-President, Jimmy Carter, among his other supreme aliases, was also quite adept in the ways of the Force, and kicked a lot of butt during his time in office, from 1977 to 1981.
  • Franklin Delano Roosevelt - One of the greatest Grandmasters, he defeted four Sith opponents in a row. While he couldn't really use his legs, losing limbs isn't really a problem for Jedi, is it?
  • Joseph Stalin - A Sith with whom the Allies temporarily joined forced with during the Second World War.
  • Richard Nixon - a Jedi turned Sith who served as Emperor of the American Galactic Empire from 1969 to 1974 whereupon he was thrown down a reactor shaft by his apprentice, Ronald Reagan.
  • Ronald Reagan - a Sith with a lot of midi-cholorians in his bloodstream. Reagan was known for always wearing a big black helmet and having a chronic case of asthma and/or bronchitis.
  • Winston Churchill - Among the elite of the Jedi who fought bravely during the Second World War, Churchill was notable among the order for occasionally using the powers of the Sith, despite his affiliations.
  • John F. Kennedy - a brave young Jedi who saved the world from WWIII, but was murdered by sith-hired Bounty Hunter, Lee Harvey Oswald.
  • George W. Bush An exceptionally stupid Sith, who nearly killed himself with his own Lightsaber.

The High GroundEdit

The High Ground

Awesome and Renowned Super-President Jimmy Carter: "It's over Reagan! I have the high ground!"

When a Jedi takes the "High Ground" against another Jedi during battle, the superior position is known to massively increase the Jedi's stats. While there are plenty of other instances where Jedi have been known to have been in a "higher position" than other Jedi amid a duel, the only time this field power bonus has ever taken effect was during the Lightsaber Duel between Carter and Reagan in 1981.

TriviaEdit

  • Lightsabers often correspond with party affiliations. For example, the American Democratic Party tends to use Blue lightsabers, while the American Republican Party prefers red. However, this is not always the case. For example, Obama has been known to use purple.

European Liberals and other Liberals outside the United States of America generally prefer red to blue.

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