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Liberal

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This article is part parody and satire. Liberals aren't all as awesome as we imagine.
Liberals aren't the way Conservapedia imagines them either. Though, the article refers to the vast majority! :)



MichaelMoore

Michael Moore, a liberal

A liberal is somebody with a selfless world view and someone who wants this planet to continue socially evolving into the future and beyond. Liberalism means love and positive thinking, Liberalism is the idea of universal Human rights: it doesn't matter what race you are- black, white, Asian, Arab, Native Americans, ect. or the way you dress or look. Liberals are open-minded and respectful of whoever you are [1] and encourage others not to be ashamed for who they are [2], like gays and poor people. A liberal is a person that is not ashamed of being him/herself.

American liberalsEdit

The Liberal half of America is the one that symbolizes optimism and forward thinking. Liberals believe in gun control, environmental protection, feeding the poor, gay rights, civil rights. Liberals oppose animal cruelty, and the support of one's basic human nature; meaning the to have sex with the partners they would like without the guilt of the right-wing religious types. Conservative republicans are the evangelical Christian side of America and love to pass absurd laws like the "mandatory" pledge of abstinence. By the way that doesn't work at all, studies show that teens who pledge for abstinence are 42% more likely to end up having sex anyway (out of curiosity) and are more likely to get pregnant while still in their teen years because they don't understand contraception. Liberals, on the other hand, let those horny teenagers do Sex if they want, as long as they have protection believe we have a responsibility to teach young people responsible sexual practices. Conservatives used to make Interracial marriage, pre-marital sex, homosexuality, and even many common marital sexual practices, illegal (This was the law in many US states during the first half of the 20th Century). While Liberals also limit sexuality in some cases, Liberal limitations are likely to be defense of those seen to be defenseless, for example the requirement for voluntary legal consent.

Liberals are rational thinkers who are open to all views and skeptical of those who follow specific agendas. Unlike conservatives, liberals have open minds and tend to disagree with each other in open debate about issues in order to find what is best. American Liberals believe in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Liberals in other countries want similar freedoms in their countries.

Liberals are often not fooled by propaganda and believe in separation of powers. Liberals are very patriotic and voice their opinion often in protest.

Liberal menEdit

Liberal men are by far better in bed and tend to be in better physical, mental, social, psychological, and spiritual health than conservative men. In contrast, Conservative men tend to be Obese, inhibited, abusive, and they'd rather view porn than please their wives. [1]
Worker rights

Liberals stand up for workers rights

ProtestingEdit

  1. During the hard time when Dubya was in power most conservatives imagined that protesting was "un-American" but historically, protesting is what made us great, such as the Boston Tea Party, the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights Act, etcetera.
  2. Now that the United States has Obama of course Conservatives think protesting is great and they simply can’t see that their Tea party isn’t at all like the original Boston Tea Party.
  3. Conservatives believe in their right to protest policies they disagree with, but would limit protest by others who may disagree with Conservatives.
  4. Liberals believe peaceful protest is a civil right even when we disagree with the purpose of the protest.

Unlike Conservatives liberals are logical and consistent.

Awesome hopeEdit

Liberals are the only hope against the vast right wing conspiracy that Obama defeated.

In short, most liberals embody the very essence of awesome.

Conspinsmall
For those who live in an alternate reality, the so-called-experts at Conservapedia have an article about Liberal.



People Liberals HateEdit

Liberals hate the following people:

Facts About Liberals Edit

  • Liberals are mostly awesome.
  • Liberals care about the environment, here's a cool song showing how among liberals it's cool to love the planet Earth Everything's Gone Green - Environment Song. Well unfortunately not everything's gone green as there are far too many uncool Conservatives driving uncool SUVs and the like.
  • Liberals don't like "trustworthy" garbage, they like the TRUTH.
  • Liberals LEARN. When liberals learn something new, they try to fit it into their beliefs. If it doesn't fit, Liberals change their beliefs to fit the facts, that's called the Scientific method. Liberals don't change the facts to fit their beliefs.[3]
  • Liberals believe anyone can learn, even those folks who change the facts to conform with their beliefs (Conservative DENIERS) can learn, so Liberals promote EDUCATION.
  • Liberals don't care if you're either gay, or Jewish, or black, or atheist, and maybe or anything. You can be anything you want, except for being an ignorant conservative or law-breaker, since they are not true human beings but un-evolved viruses.
  • Liberals think before they vote. The only downfall is that they also party before they vote, which makes vote by mail ballots very cool.
  • Liberals won't believe the right wing propaganda.
  • Liberals won't threaten you with jail using a law that doesn't even exist so you can't edit their wiki.
  • Liberal comes from a Latin root of liber, which means "freedom".
  • Liberalism defeated the Divine Right of Kings, hereditary status, and established (forced) religion. Which is the reason we don't live in Middle Ages anymore (unless you're an extreme conservative).
  • Liberalism stands for freedom of speech, social progressivism, and the fact that every human being is equal to his neighbor. Again, unless you're a Republican bastard.
  • Liberals organized society according a bill of unchangeable and universal rights, which dominates all citizens by the same law.
  • Liberals definitely aren't conservatives. American liberals are typically not as liberal as the rest of the world, but...
  • Unlike conservatives, liberals have sense of humour.
  • It's been argued that the lack of zest in American liberals can be blamed on Republicans, who in turn can be summed up as the life-sucking assholes of the world (see above).
  • There are more self-identified Liberals in America than conservatives. Conservatives who voted for George W Bush realized their mistake and voted for Obama in large numbers.
  • Liberals can go to a restaurant and order anything off of the menu, instead of only being able to get the same thing that they ordered the last time (unless they are vegetarians, which some liberals are).
  • Liberals are fully aware that The FOX "News" Network is just evil Right Wing Propaganda.
  • Liberals don't rely on religious mythology to make decisions. Well some Liberal Christians do.
  • Unlike Conservatives, Liberals not only know how to spell Liberal, they also know the definition.
  • Liberals and Libertarians can sometimes be seen working towards a common goal. Despite the similar names and social goals, libertarians are more like classic conservatives and are thus stingy jerks.
  • Libertarians share liberals love for social freedoms, but unfortunately do not share their love of others.
  • But hey, libertarians have little love for Haliburton, unlike neo-conservatives. (Then again, liberals have no love for Haliburton.)

The only known bad thing that is a Liberal is The Australian Liberal Party.

Liberal Challenges Edit

We're sure Conservatives would prefer to call these Liberal Faults, but we're Liberals and we're capable of learning and changing our behavior, so we prefer to see these traits as challenges.

Intolerance Edit

Many Liberals are extremely challenged when asked to tolerate intolerance.

Ignorance Edit

Many Liberals can be very challenged when confronted with ignorance. It's not that we don't value your right to hold an ignorant opinion, we believe everyone has the right to their opinion in "matters of conscience". What challenges us is being asked to explain Fallacies and inconsistencies ad nauseum to proselytizing ignoramuses.

Tinkering Edit

Many Liberals just can't help seeing the problems with the things they value the most. If we Liberals really like something, we really want to share it and make it even better. Conservatives usually misunderstand or misrepresent this Liberal trait.

Nannyism Edit

Now, Nannyism probably isn't even a word, but it represents a real potential Liberal failing, the Nanny State. The Liberal desire to protect individual rights or common property can be carried to an extreme. Liberals have to be very careful that we don't unnecessarily restrict freedom in order to protect common property or individual rights. For example, it's tempting to restrict the freedom to own weapons based upon the actions of a few irresponsible individuals. American Liberals understand the right to own weapons as an essential natural right, and guaranteed by our Government. American Liberals need to do a better job of not only protecting, but also of educating and empowering American people. We need to find a way to restrict availability of weapons to irresponsible individuals, and encourage responsible practices without burdening responsible weapon owners or restricting essential natural rights.

"That all Men are born equally free and independant, and have certain inherent natural Rights, of which they can not by any Compact, deprive or divest their Posterity; among which are the Enjoyment of Life and Liberty, with the Means of acquiring and possessing Property, and pursueing and obtaining Happiness and Safety." George Mason

Types of Liberals Edit

As with any large grouping or community, there are different types of liberals who use different methods to try and spread the good that is liberalism.
Don't forget there are plenty of sensible liberal who wear ordinary clothes, less conventional than what conservatives wear and want sensible things than make people happy and healthy like Universal Health Care Civil rights and Freedom.

BeatnikEdit

A beatnik was a subculture of liberals most popular in the 1950s and 1960s. A typical beatnik tends to wear a striped black and white t-shirt, trousers, weird French hats, sandals and little glasses. They have also been known to form drum circles in green areas and read poetry.

Day 17 Occupy Wall Street October 3 2011 Shankbone 17

HippyEdit

Hippies were a more popular culture of nonconformity in the 1960s. Hippies are based off of a very Liberal idea- open-mindedness and free love. A typical hippy carries an acoustic guitar with them in case they need to sing a song against the reactionaries and Conservatives. Hippies are one of the peace-loving groupings of the liberal culture. Hippies were useful in giving a middle finger to the old tradition of needing to be a right wing nutter to be a Christian, as many hippies believed in God and the idea of him loving everyone, regardless of race, gender and sexual orientation.

Suit LiberalEdit

A suit Liberal is a liberal who wears a suit. These kind of liberals are the ones who tend to enter politics.

PunkEdit

A punk is by far the most controversial breed of liberal, most popular in the late 1970s. Easily distinguishable by their typical attire of ripped jeans, leather studded jacks, colourful spiked hair and metal in various bodily parts, they are often associated with thuggish violence, but tend to hold liberal beliefs nonetheless. The weird clothes they wear are seen as a sign of nonconformity to the ordinary clothes regular people wear.

Punks are also available in conservative format, and, more controversially, in neo-Nazi style. See Nazi Punks.

Musical LiberalEdit

A general term used for someone who can play any array of rock-style instruments and also hold liberal beliefs. See Liberal Songs for more.

Famous LiberalsEdit

ReferencesEdit

  1. Conservatives don't count
  2. again, conservatives don't count
  3. Seriously believing what we want to believe is a Human weakness and Liberals aren't always Objective. Liberals are more eager to learn new stuff than Conservatives. Liberal Freethinkers value the Scientific method more than Religious fundamentalists and Christian fundamentalists. Subjectively it seems to us that we're more reasonable and more often correct than Conservatives are. Those who try to limit education the way Conservative fundamentalists and Marxist fundamentalists do have something to hide.

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