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Liberal

From Liberapedia

This article is part of
the Political Philosophy
series.
Anarchism
Libertarianism
Conservatism
Liberalism
Communism
Socialism
Capitalism
Democracy
Republicanism
Popular sovereignty


This article is part parody and satire. Liberals aren't all as awesome as we imagine.
Liberals aren't the way Conservapedia imagines them either.


A liberal is a great person who is correct in nearly everything they do and believe. When you meet somebody who identifies themselves as a Liberal, ask them to help you become a better person. Someone who understands when a mistake is made and learns from it. A person that is not ashamed of being him/herself, Liberal men are by far better in bed and tend to be in better physical, mental, social, psychological, and spiritual health than conservative men. In contrast, conservative men tend to be obese, inhibited, abusive, and they'd rather view porn than please their wives. [1] Liberals are objective thinkers who are open to all views and skeptical of those who follow specific agendas. Unlike conservatives, liberals have open minds and tend to disagree with each other in open debate about issues in order to find what is best. American Liberals believe in the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Liberals in other countries want similar freedoms in their countries.

Liberals are often not fooled by propaganda and believe in separation of powers. Liberals are very patriotic and voice their opinion often in protest. Most conservatives advocate that protesting is "unAmerican" but historically, protesting is what made us great, such as the Boston Tea Party, the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights Act, etcetera. They are the only hope against the vast right wing conspiracy that Obama defeated.

In short, most liberals embody the very essence of awesome.

For those who live in an alternate reality, the so-called-experts at Conservapedia have an article about Liberal.



Contents

Facts About Liberals

Michael Moore, a liberal
  • Liberals are mostly awesome.
  • Liberals care about the environment, here's a cool song showing how among liberals it's cool to love the planet Earth Everything's Gone Green - Environment Song. Well unfortunately not everything's gone green as there are far too many uncool Conservatives driving uncool SUVs and the like.
  • Liberals don't like "trustworthy" garbage, they like the TRUTH.
  • Liberals don't care if your either gay, or Jewish, or black, or atheist, and maybe or anything. You can be anything you want, except for being an ignorant conservative or law-breaker, since they are not true human beings but un-evolved viruses.
  • Liberals think before they vote. The only downfall is that they also party before they vote, which makes vote by mail ballots very cool.
  • Liberals won't believe the right wing propaganda people like the conservatives believe in.
  • Liberals won't threaten you with jail using a law that doesn't even exist so you can't edit their wiki.
  • Liberal comes from a latin root of liber, which means "freedom". Conservative comes from a latin root of converser, meaning "asshole".
  • Liberalism defeated the Divine Right of Kings, hereditary status, and established (forced) religion. Which is the reason we don't live in Middle Ages anymore (unless you're a conservative).
  • Liberalism stands for freedom of speech, social progressivism, and the fact that every human being is equal to his neighbor. Again, unless you're a Republican bastard.
  • Liberals organized society according a bill of unchangeable and universal rights, which dominates all citizens by the same law.
  • Liberals definitely aren't conservatives. American liberals are typically not as liberal as the rest of the world, but...
  • Unlike conservatives, liberals have sense of humour.
  • It's been argued that the lack of zest in American liberals can be blamed on Republicans, who in turn can be summed up as the life-sucking assholes of the world (see above).
  • There are more self-identified Liberals in America than conservatives. Conservatives who voted for George W Bush realized their mistake and voted for Obama in large numbers.
  • Liberals can go to a restaurant and order anything off of the menu, instead of only being able to get the same thing that they ordered the last time (unless they are vegetarians, which some liberals are).
  • Liberals are fully aware that The FOX "News" Network is just evil Right Wing Propaganda.
  • Liberals don't rely on religious mythology to make decisions. Well some Liberal Christians do.
  • Unlike Conservatives, Liberals not only know how to spell Liberal, they also know the definition.
  • Liberals and Libertarians can sometimes be seen working towards a common goal. Despite the similar names and social goals, libertarians are more like classic conservatives and are thus stingy jerks.
  • Libertarians share liberals love for social freedoms, but unfortunately do not share their love of others.
  • But hey, libertarians have little love for Haliburton, unlike neo-conservatives. (Then again, liberals have no love for Haliburton.)

The only known bad thing that is a Liberal is The Australian Liberal Party.

Liberal Breeds

As with any large grouping or community, there are different types of liberals who use different methods to try and spread the good that is liberalism.
Don't forget there are plenty of sensible liberal who wear ordinary clothes, less conventional than what conservatives wear and want sensible theings than make people happy and healthy like Universal Health Care Civil Rights and Freedom.

Beatnik

A beatnik was a subculture of liberals most popular in the 1950s and 1960s. A typical beatnik tends to wear a striped black and white t-shirt, trousers, weird French hats, sandals and little glasses. They have also been known to form drum circles in green areas and read poetry.

Hippy

Hippies were a more popular culture of nonconformity in the 1960s. A typical hippy wears dirty ripped jeans, a poncho, has long hair, and carries an acoustic guitar with them in case they need to sing a song against the reactionaries and Conservatives. Hippies are the main peace-loving grouping of the liberal culture, but because of their heavy use of easy drugs such as marijuana, they give liberals a bad name. However, hippies were useful in giving a middle finger to the old tradition of needing to be a right wing nutter to be a Christian, as many hippies believed in God and the idea of him loving everyone, regardless of race, gender and sexual orientation.

Suit Liberal

A suit Liberal is a liberal who wears a suit. These kind of liberals are the ones who tend to enter politics and actually represent the liberal masses, rather than sitting around in their own filth all day and listening to Psychadelic Rock.

Punk

A punk is by far the most controversial breed of liberal, most popular in the late 1970s. Easily distinguishable by their typical attire of ripped jeans, leather studded jacks, colourful spiked hair and metal in various bodily parts, they are often associated with thuggish violence, but tend to hold liberal beliefs nonetheless. The weird clothes they wear are seen as a sign of nonconformity to the ordinary clothes regular people wear.

Punks are also available in conservative format, and, more controversially, in neo-Nazi style. See Nazi Punks.

Musical Liberal

A general term used for someone who can play any array of rock-style instruments and also hold liberal beliefs.

Famous Liberals

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