Old Testament

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Very many, possibly most liberals have some religious faith and there are Conservative atheists. We're liberal Freethinkers on this website and we like getting together with others who agree with us.

This article is part parody and satire. It also shows why Judeo- Christian religion doesn't make sense.

The Old Testament is the first half of the Christian bestseller The Bible. The Old Testament focuses on the time period before Jesus' birth while the New Testament focuses on Jesus' life and death (and then life again!)

Creation mythologyEdit

The Old Testament is set six thousand years ago back when mankind lived in harmony with talking animals and dinosaurs. It starts off with God creating everything, including Adam and Eve, the first man and woman. Everything was alright for the first 930 years.

This myth directly contradicts what actually happened according to Science. To be historically accurate, the Universe started over 13 Billion yearsw ago when everything reacted in an explosion which much later caused the formation of Galaxies, Stars and Planets. This is known as the "Big Bang Theory".

The first sinEdit

Adam was there with Eve and then a little snake came along and told Eve (Oh yeah, it's a talking snake. Did I not mention...?) to eat an apple from a tree. Eve's act single-handedly brought the downfall of womankind.

I bet you're wondering why God would bother putting a tree of evil in his Garden, or how Satan in the form of a snake got into it. Well, we thought of that:

God realised he'd made an evil tree by accident, but it was Sunday when he realised and because that was the day of rest and Top Gear was on at 8, he just told Adam and Eve not to eat from it.
The snake was a Japanese ninja-snake, like that one in Kung Fu Panda, and he did a wicked ninja-flip over the wall into the Garden of Eden. What, you don't believe me? You can read more, perhaps the story of Adam and Eve will convince you.

More sinEdit

Then later there were many people about and almost all of them were sinners! Only Noah and his family succeeded in being good, so God told Noah to build an Ark and flooded the world when it was finished. So everybody except Noah and his family drowned.
And in spite of this, God really loves us.

Even more sinEdit

After that the world was repopulated again and people kept on sinning and being punished till the New Testament was written and after that there was even more sin and even more punishment.
But in spite of all this, God really loves us. Apparently.

See AlsoEdit

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