Here we're parodying Conservapedia and we know we're exaggerating.
WAR! HUH! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? Well, if you asked that question, you have come to the right place.
I hate War

Quote from a 1936 FDR speech

War is a conservative institution. It is often pointless violence that solves nothing and kills more lives than it would save. Although many excuses are usually given, there is usually little to no reason for a war to be conducted, and usually one or both sides are motivated by either greed, hatred or corporate influence. Wars are frequently unsuccessful no matter what they "accomplish". A Liberal would never, ever start a war, even if the fate of the world depended on it, because war is always wrong. For example, when Paul Martin sent Canadian troops to Afghanistan all Canadians immediately tagged him has a Neocon even though in the US he would be a ultra left.

Diplomacy is preferable to war under any circumstances, but if war is instigated upon you, then you really have no choice.

Basically, what we are trying to say here is, war is wrong. Exceptions we know are the American Revolution, the Greco-Persian Wars, the American Civil War, and World War Two.

Ongoing conflicts around the world.svg


Reasons Why War Is Almost Always WrongEdit

  • Motives: Not only is war always the wrong approach to solving any political problem, it's essential evil is compounded by several of its inherent attributes. First, the true motives underlying a government's decision to wage a war are rarely disclosed to the populace which will be expected to fight, sacrifice, and die in it. Never was this more apparent than in the American war in Iraq. In this case, the pretext for the proposed war was changed almost on a monthly basis during the run-up to the war, and during this debacle, all these previous justifications have been found to be complete fabrications, leaving us with the flaccid motto "failure is not an option" to justify this continued bloodbath. The real motive was of course oil.
  • Consequences: A second fundamental evil inherent in any war is the fact that it is the poor and underprivileged of a nation who are required to fight and die, while the affluent and powerful, usually corporate-affiliated (ie Conservatives) are the class who benefits. A third fundamental evil of war is that it is fundamentally evil. War destroys everything beautiful, sacred, and tender in its path. It destroys families, children, and communities, and jettisons the resources of both the aggressor nation and the victimized nation into a pyre of destruction.


War systematically and brutally undoes the work of mothers, fathers, teachers, farmers, doctors, nurses, architects, artists, and everyone who cares about life on Earth. War is fundamentally incompatible with civilization. Anyone who suggests that war is an acceptable solution to any political problem is either stupid, selfish, evil, or all of the above - ie, Conservatives.


Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures. Well, good night, everybody. Peace, man.Bart Simpson

Extreme Conservative viewpoint on warEdit

Here we're parodying Conservapedia and we know we're exaggerating.

WAR! HUH! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? Well, if you asked that question, you have come to the right place.

The answer is quite a simple one: everything. War is awesome. For example, war boosts a nation's economy, gives restless kids some wholesome entertainment for a duration of time, and creates good reading for otherwise dreadful history books.

Political Unity Edit

In times of national political debate, the party in power can unify the populace with war and a common enemy. Conservatives are particularly fond of this tactic, and seem to be always looking for the next common enemy and ways to build fear of that enemy in order to build consensus for their policies.


Unemployment is always stressful to individuals, families and society. High unemployment is generally felt to be a failure of government. Sometimes nations experience a baby boom. When baby boom children enter the workforce, they can create an extreme need for employment. War can create employment for an excess of new workers in the military, defense industries, and post-war rebuilding. War is actually a very expensive short-term fix to a long-term problem.

Market Manipulation Edit

War increases demand for many goods and services, and allows sellers of these goods and services to raise prices to both government and civilian buyers and increase profits. In post-neocon America, many essential military services which were once provided by government have been outsourced to civilian contractors, and government oversight of these markets has been substantially reduced. This practice has increased the number of markets subject to manipulation in a war economy.

Creating Markets

War may give the Victor the opportunity to impose it's economic system on the conquered territory. War is extremely destructive, and may create demand for goods and services needed to rebuild housing and infrastructure destroyed in the conflict.

Capturing Resources

War may allow the victor access to the resources of the vanquished.


War may allow the unification of populations of common heritage.


War may allow the capture and enslavement of conquered people. This may be overt, as in the case of the people conquered by Nazis during World War II, the Germans captured by the Soviets after World War II, modern slavery under Sharia, or may be more subtle.

The greatest men of all time have been in wars and devoted their lives to war.

Men such as:


Julius Caesar

Chuck Norris


Hannibal Barca

Saddam Hussein

Darth Vader

If you do not agree with this point of view, then GTFO and write some poetry.

See alsoEdit